It seems like there's noone that is willing to hear my problem. So im gonna let out everything here. Thanks for always being there blogger. :)
I have a problem. I felt like it's unfair for me to be having this problem. It's because I felt like he can do better than this. Does my heart don't matter to them? Even if we're just friends? Do you need to do all that to me? Do i have an armour that cover my heart, that even you shoot me like gazillion times, my heart is still well protected? Do i deserve to have u treat me like this? This is just so unfair.
I have guy friends, ok, everyone does. There's this specifically a guy friend that make me feel this way. I expect more from him actually, because it seems that he knows everything about me, and i do too. Maybe so not everything, but i think that it is enough that he knows how i would feel if he do that. But he did it. Okay, you have a girlfriend. I respect that. And for the record, I never had feelings for you. Even right now, today, this second. So, i need you to stop doing as if, I may fall for you. Because I won't. Mark my words, I won't. I may sound arrogant here, but that's the truth, we are friends. and I'm happy with just that. You seriously need to attend class on 'How to handle girlfriend'
His girlfriend told him that he could not go out with me. Like only the two of us. If im that evil now, I would like to make a statement such as, 'Helloooooo! IM NOT GONNA RAPE YOUR BOYFRIEND. NEITHER GONNA HOLD HANDS. LIKE EUW! COULD YOU PLEASE DO ME A FAVOR AND RAPE HIM YOURSELF?!' I'm sorry for this if you are reading this. But I felt that you need to understand me too. I could get hurt with your stupid thoughts that you could not do this because of your girlfriend and that too because your girlfriend forbid you to, eventho we are just friends. It's just so irritating. Last month, it just happens that I need him to accompany me somewhere. Well, to be honest, he willingly wants to accompany me. It’s because I thank him for that, I did not say much. And I could not ask my housemates to do the favor because they are all busy. Well said before, his girlfriend don't approve him going out with me, just the two of us. I just felt that why the heck you need to be so obediently follow your girlfriend. Okay, maybe I don’t understand the situation that he might be in if he didn’t obey but I felt that this is just too immature. Jangan la buat benda jadi remeh, you eventually involve me too. Be a man lah, explain everything to your girlfriend and ask her to be more mature, be more open. Sometimes, I felt like saying, 'EUWWWWWWW, who want's you man? tolong lahhhhh~' everyone asks me to endure that, and just sabar. Everyone has its own limits, and mine, it has already reached its limit. And that's why, Im typing this, hoping that I could loosen up a lil bit. Please give some mercy if im rude. I just expect he would be more mature. Eventho you girlfriend says not to do so, you just obediently follow. Okay, maybe when I happen to have someone, maybe so, I would be exactly like you, but hey, im a girl. You're a guy. And the fact that why did you need to tell me that your girlfriend doen't like you being with me, eventho as just friends. I felt that you don’t need to tell me that. Or even so you feel like I could take it, you should at least tell me properly. You can't upload photos of us, even photos that we are in a crowd, just because we were standing next to each other, you couldn't upload it. like seriously? When I ask why, you answer me heartlessly. Well guess what, saya terasa sangat2. Okay, you may say, typical girl. But whatever, I've reached my limits today. I sincerely appologise of this entry. The thing is that you are treating me as if I have a crush on you. Well my dear, I DON’T.
Don’t just see it in your POV, I have my disadvantages too. I hate it sooooooo much when people claimed that we’re dating. People don’t dare to approach me because they thought you are my boyfriend. Everyone, yes, everyone was saying ‘Mana boyfriend? Apsal tk sekali?’ Boyfriend apa dohhhhhhhhhhhhhh? -,- ‘Fyna ada boyfriend lah wehh, she’s off-limits.’ like seriously? Yes, people were talking about us. But the thing is, there is no US. I felt so tensed, but hey, chill je lah, I felt that you are my friend, and there’s nothing I can do to make people stop talking. I just deny and tell them the truth. I felt that if I were to deny teruk-teruk sangat, nanti I will hurt you. Or if I say you were never my type, ‘fall for you? Like seriously? *annoyed’, nanti you take it the wrong way pulak, and also, I might hurt you. I never voice out anything. But you always bang me with stupid stuff such, you couldn’t upload those pictures, controversy will arouse, you couldn’t accompany me to buy stuff, girlfriend said not to. Well, those are just too frivolous for me to give in. Well, actually, there are more that you did to me, but I won't be such a whimper, that every single thing I must tell the whole world. I just want you to get the point, why am I typing this out.
My solution to stop being tense over this stupid stuff, is to not be close to you. But we are studying in the same class, friends with the same people, living in the same building, there are things that I need you to help me with, we study for exams together. And thus, I have no solution to this. Besides, you are my friend, and always will be. Yes, even you hurt me all these while without realizing. I am sorry, but I can’t afford to be the cause of you and your girlfriend arguments, mistakenly pointed as being unavailable, hurt because you couldn’t handle this well, hate or shall I say mistaken by your girlfriend that we have something. No, I couldn’t do this anymore. Sorry, and be happy with your dear girlfriend, PLEASE GET MARRY AND HAVE KIDS. Okay, I am not saying this because im offended, but yeah, seriously, please do. Sorry if tomorrow and the days ahead, I might won’t be my ownself with you anymore.
